DEFCON-1 – Day of the Dog!

They attacked at first light. They took us by surprise, caught us napping with our trousers down.

I knew something was wrong when we left the back door and I saw Tubbs sitting on the fence. He was out of reach but I ran at him anyway. It gave him a fright and he turned and ran away almost involuntarily. Scaredy cat!

Brian had massed his weasels in the branches and they flew at us from the trees. Two fell on Rob and gnawed at his jacket. He yelped in surprise but brushed them off and they ran away.

Barbara heard the noise and rushed outside. Some rats ran along the side of the fence towards her. She screamed, ran inside and slammed the door.

Brian was sitting high in the tree directing the attack. Squirrels ran across the branches, dithering and keeping out of it as usual.

I looked for reinforcements but there were none. Where were the sheep? There’s never a sheep around when you want one!

The back door flew open and Barbara rushed out with a brush, sweeping at the rats which scattered under the fence.

More weasels flew from the trees. Rob ran to the shed, wrestled the door open and grabbed the first thing to hand – a length of hose. He looked disappointed, as if he had hoped for a shovel but he ran out flailing at the branches like a dervish wielding an octopus. The weasels scattered.

Brian hissed at me from the tall branches, his forces spent. He looked me in the eye and flung himself at my neck. I jumped to one side and he landed on my back. He dug in with his claws and started to bite with his chisel teeth. I spun around in a circle to shake him off but he clung on. Barbara swung at him with the broom but caught my flank and knocked me sideways. Rob tried to loop the hose around him. No chance.

I couldn’t reach him with my teeth so I ran under a low branch to scrape him off. He clung on, biting deeper. I ran alongside the fence with my back to it to try to dislodge him but he had a firm grip.

Then I had a brainwave and rolled on the ground, I heard him gasp as I squashed the air out him and he released his grip. He started to retreat but I turned and managed to nip him before he made his escape, winded and wounded, through the fence.

“Well,” said Rob. “We saw them off! Good job we were here to look after you, Murphy.”

I stood panting on the lawn and Barbara ran over to see what damage had been done. I had some flesh wounds but nothing serious. I lay down and nibbled treats as she bathed them.

They took me to see the vet who stabbed me in the neck and said I was fine. Yeah, right!

Rob’s talking about putting a sign in the garden saying “No weasels”. Hmm… But I don’t think we’ll be troubled by Brian again for a long time.

Meanwhile, we’re going to the field hospital for R&R and treats…