DEFCON-1 – Day of the Dog!

They attacked at first light. They took us by surprise, caught us napping with our trousers down.

I knew something was wrong when we left the back door and I saw Tubbs sitting on the fence. He was out of reach but I ran at him anyway. It gave him a fright and he turned and ran away almost involuntarily. Scaredy cat!

Brian had massed his weasels in the branches and they flew at us from the trees. Two fell on Rob and gnawed at his jacket. He yelped in surprise but brushed them off and they ran away.

Barbara heard the noise and rushed outside. Some rats ran along the side of the fence towards her. She screamed, ran inside and slammed the door.

Brian was sitting high in the tree directing the attack. Squirrels ran across the branches, dithering and keeping out of it as usual.

I looked for reinforcements but there were none. Where were the sheep? There’s never a sheep around when you want one!

The back door flew open and Barbara rushed out with a brush, sweeping at the rats which scattered under the fence.

More weasels flew from the trees. Rob ran to the shed, wrestled the door open and grabbed the first thing to hand – a length of hose. He looked disappointed, as if he had hoped for a shovel but he ran out flailing at the branches like a dervish wielding an octopus. The weasels scattered.

Brian hissed at me from the tall branches, his forces spent. He looked me in the eye and flung himself at my neck. I jumped to one side and he landed on my back. He dug in with his claws and started to bite with his chisel teeth. I spun around in a circle to shake him off but he clung on. Barbara swung at him with the broom but caught my flank and knocked me sideways. Rob tried to loop the hose around him. No chance.

I couldn’t reach him with my teeth so I ran under a low branch to scrape him off. He clung on, biting deeper. I ran alongside the fence with my back to it to try to dislodge him but he had a firm grip.

Then I had a brainwave and rolled on the ground, I heard him gasp as I squashed the air out him and he released his grip. He started to retreat but I turned and managed to nip him before he made his escape, winded and wounded, through the fence.

“Well,” said Rob. “We saw them off! Good job we were here to look after you, Murphy.”

I stood panting on the lawn and Barbara ran over to see what damage had been done. I had some flesh wounds but nothing serious. I lay down and nibbled treats as she bathed them.

They took me to see the vet who stabbed me in the neck and said I was fine. Yeah, right!

Rob’s talking about putting a sign in the garden saying “No weasels”. Hmm… But I don’t think we’ll be troubled by Brian again for a long time.

Meanwhile, we’re going to the field hospital for R&R and treats…

DEFCON-2 – It’s an ill wind...

Even the elements are playing into his claws! The wind broke a branch on the tree so it leans towards the house. It’s an ideal launch point for a weasel wanting to attack anyone leaving the back door.

I try to draw Rob’s attention to it by barking and looking up.

He thinks I’m barking at a squirrel and pats me on the head. He hasn’t noticed the danger.

It’ll end in tears…

DEFCON-3 Day 3 - En Garde

I'm in the doghouse.

Rob hasn’t spoken to me for two days but Barbara gave me treats when he wasn’t looking. She understands the importance of food, setting traps and being alert. I’ve been on guard duty all day, keeping watch and presenting a visible presence on the lawn. Just let Brian and his hoards try to get past me in the open.

I know an attack is imminent. I need to recruit sympathisers and work on another plan.

And I need to rethink a strategy that doesn’t involve digging up Rob’s lawn…

DEFCON-3 Day 2 – Sabotage!

We’ve been sabotaged – and by an own goal!

Rob filled in my trap!!!

He shouted at me. He was not happy. I think I’m off the team.

I don’t understand. Defeat lies just over the hill. Maybe he has a master plan that he’s keeping secret. Maybe this is for the benefit of Tubbs. The walls have ears.

Or – and I freeze at the thought - maybe he has no concept of tactics…

DEFCON-3

Brian is plotting. I can smell it. He has ears everywhere. He’s probably rounding up his weasel collaborators for a massed attack. He’ll try to enlist Tubbs the Tabby; nasty spitting, scratchy thing. I need to review my forces.

Decided to build defences and make some traps of my own. Dug a hole in the lawn just beyond the back door and pushed two plant pots to either side of it.

I’m on alert.

DEFCON-4 Day 2

No sign of Brian today.

But he’s out there.

Scheming and plotting…

DEFCON-4

Brian has been skulking about, probably setting traps for when we leave the back door or waiting to dive on us from the trees. I can smell a Long-Snouted Tooth Chiseller a mile off! He made himself scarce when we went out but his traps could be anywhere.

Rob was oblivious to the danger. He doesn’t even sniff behind the plant pots or the bushes, or look behind the garden seat and he never looks up at the trees. Danger lurks everywhere. But I’m on hand to protect him and the house.

No one is safe.